This post has been on my heart for the last several days since I saw my 20-year-old son who is currently in jail. He had a hearing and I was able to visit with him outside the courtroom. When we visit him at the jail, we only get to see him on a video screen. It was nice to talk, face-to-face, of normal things, while we waited. They even let me give him a hug when we left. I cried all the way home.
My heart at various times has felt a lot of different emotions over this young man. Love, hate, anger, indifference, you name it they have all been there. No matter what the emotion of the day is, I do care. I think he knows that. He came to our home through adoption with his sisters when he was nine and with all three it has been a rough road. He was labeled ADHD before he came to us and has since garnered many more labels. Coming out of the foster care system, his background includes abuse, neglect and many things the social workers couldn't name, failed to tell us or didn't know.
He has been in and out of our home more times than I can count. He was in a group home at 17 and came home again at 18. He has been in two rehabilitation facilities. One he walked away from, another he was kicked out of. He never finished high school although we tried to walk him down that path. He has never held a job. He has been in jail for almost a year for the choices he made...mostly substance abuse. In the end, he was caught with drugs.
When I look into his eyes I don't see hate or anger although he has plenty of that swirling around. I see hurt and disappointment in himself. He wants to get his act together. He wants to come home. I struggle with that. He can't come home. I'll help him all I can but I can't trust that things have changed. He can't prove to me that it will be different this time. His proof is just words. We are at a crossroads.
Some think that we should treat him like the prodigal in the Bible. The story tells of the prodigal son who left home and squandered his inheritance. At his lowest point when he was hungry and destitute he decided he was tired of seeing the pigs eating better than he was. He returned home hoping to get a job as one of his father's slaves so he could at least be fed. His father welcomed him with open arms and even gave him a party. How do I justify my response? My son brings the pig pen home with him.
On a more positive note, I just signed him up to take his GED. He says he's been studying. I hope this is a good sign and a start to trusting again. Please pray for this prodigal son of mine. The courts have yet to determine what to do with him. He wants out. I can only hope they can find a place where he can seek healing and restoration in a safe environment.
You've always had a big heart Terri. I'm so sorry it's been hurting this week. I can't imagine what this road has been like for you and your family, but as a mom I understand the tears. I'll be praying for your Prodigal Son.
ReplyDeleteTerri, my heart breaks for you. I will pray for your son and for you. My mother went through the same thing with my sister. Only she kept running away from home. There was no abuse or neglect at all. She just had bad friends, who got her involved with drugs. My mom eventually had her committed to a psych ward until she got her act together. She needed to find out the why of everything. I still remember my sister screaming in the hospital how she hated my mom for doing what she did. Mom's do what they have to. My sister got off the drugs and got her act together after that. Eventually she married and had two beautiful children. She now has 3 beautiful grandchildren. Sometimes, Moms have to be firm, just like God has to be firm with us. We say "no" out of love. Our kids may not understand that, but hopefully in time they will. I'll be praying the same for your boy.
ReplyDeleteTerri, thanks for sharing this. My heart goes out to your family and especially your son. It was a painful process for my own son to learn that actions have consequences. Stay positive, keep your heart open and I pray that he will be ready soon to find a new path.
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